Raising a neurodivergent teen is a thrill!
Most of the time I marvel at Teo’s bright mind, critical thinking and capacity to see the world through a different lense. Intellectually, he’s extremely independent and autonomous.
But he still avoids situations that make him feel too uncomfortable. And even if I understand his needs most of the time, every now and then I get a bit nervous. There are areas where he simply takes A LOT of time to mature in.
Like going to the store and buying something. It still hasn’t happened. He refuses. He doesn’t feel safe, and says “Mom, I am still not ready”.
Comparing kids is never beneficial
And I think of other young humans his age – or much younger – that are already waiting tables, serve as lifeguards or have other kinds of small jobs. Whereas my 17 year old can’t go to the store by himself!
That’s when I have to remind myself of what it was like for me when I was a kid. And how it backfired whenever my parents tried to push me to do things I wasn’t ready for. I mean, I had a hard time ordering a pizza until I was 30. Yup!
When I do my deschooling work, things start to shift
So, I take a big step back. I’m not here to push him. I’m here to TRUST both him and his process.
And it works!
Teo has never been interested in cooking but about a year ago, he dove into the art of making dumplings. And now he’s making all of these crazy delicious meals, without any of my help.
Our kids develop in different ways
He hands me a list of ingredients. I get them for him. Then he cooks for both of us. I’m in awe! And honestly, do I really need any more proof that he’s approaching and preparing for adulthood?
And so, when I observe Teo, I can clearly see that he IS developing and getting both more independent and autonomous – but in other ways that I hadn’t expected. I just need to observe carefully to see it – and stop comparing him to other kids. And again: TRUST him and his process.