My son Teo, my co-parent Alberto and I were in the middle of our Connect-up meeting.
Teo had been sharing how his dad’s reactions – rolling eyes and sighing loudly – to things he had said made him feel, when suddenly Alberto said “The Support Kit!”.
And he grabbed his phone and started scrolling fast.
Repair Work
Last year Sari and I drafted what we refer to as our Deschooling Support Kit. It’s a deschooling manual we give all the participants of our Deeply Deschooling program and that’s what Alberto was scrolling through.
He said: “The Repair Work! I’ve never done the Repair Work!”
The Repair Work refers to a section in the Support Kit where we explain that ALL parents fuck up in their parenting, that it’s okay but that we need to learn how to repair it to heal our kid AND our relationship with our kid.
Alberto suddenly realized that during Teo’s 17 years on this earth, he has never repaired one single fuck up.
He shared that since Teo doesn’t usually say anything afterwards, he thinks they’re all good… And he completely misses the fact that Teo is still upset.
After years of upsets and NO Repair Work, Teo carries quite the resentment towards his dad.
Wow. That was a HUGE insight.
It’s not easy being a parent. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom or a dad. It’s HARD WORK!
But you know what? It’s almost never to late to learn new ways. We can always start now.
And a good thing to know about Repair Work is that we don’t have to do it exactly when it has happened. It’s okay to wait a couple of hours, days or even weeks.
The most important thing is that we’re honest with ourselves and our kids. Sometimes we also need that extra time to figure it out and work on that ego of ours that wants to be right.
In our experience both kids and adults might need some space and time to calm down enough to even be able to receive an apology.
So don’t freak out if you’re one of those parents that take time before doing the actual repair. It’s okay. You’re doing it, and that’s what counts!
PS. This text was written with the consent of both Teo and Alberto