Society’s schoolish mindset
Do you also worry about your kids’ journey in reading? I know for sure I do at times, and I think it’s super valid.
We live in a society that is molded by schoolish mindsets and expectations, and our human development is measured and held to set standards for what, when and how we do things and learn. Especially reading and writing!
We see these mindsets play out all the time in how we think about learning.
For example, there is this idea that reading “should” or “could” happen within certain ages. But do we really stop learning at the age of 12?
Who decided that we needed to learn how to read at an age where most of us still aren’t neurologically and cognitively there yet?
Must we learn to read between ages 5-8?
I remember seeing this interesting video from an alumni of Summerhill (the first democratic free school opened by A.S. Neill over 100 years ago).
The man speaks about his experience in not learning how to read until he was an adult and he actually needed to read.
This speaks to my personal belief that we learn the skills we need to learn to live our lives either when they come to us naturally, are of interest or when they are needed. You can find the video here.
My own situation
So, my son is almost 9 and doesn’t know how to read independently yet.
How do I deal with that?
Although I have my moments where I may start to freak out (less and less so as we go), I am also learning to lean into observation and curiosity and see all the ways that he is developing and thriving.
Basically: I’m learning to trust that he will learn when he is ready.
He may not know how to read now, but he thrives with real life skills (like cooking, swimming and emotional intelligence) better than most adults I know.
5 questions!
And so, when I catch myself freaking out I ask myself some of these questions:
- Does one skill one have more value than the other?
- Who decides (and why) the hierarchy of learning?
- What is my underlying fear/ limiting belief here?
- Where does this fear/ limiting belief come from?
- Is it a true fear/ belief I have or one that has been imposed on me and does not really align with my values?
Beliefs are here to keep us safe, but it’s definitely part of the deschooling process to question those beliefs and see if they are truly ours and align with who we are – and challenge them when they are not.
I share this perspective based on my experience with my kid and also in facilitating kids of various ages.
I do understand that everyone’s circumstances and perspectives may not be the same though, and are crafted based on personal experiences and environments, culture and access to resources.
All that to say: please take what resonates and leave what doesn’t based on your situation.