Raising a neurodivergent teen is a thrill! Most of the time I marvel at Teo’s bright mind, critical thinking and capacity to see the world through a different lense. Intellectually, he’s extremely independent and autonomous.
But he still avoids situations that make him feel too uncomfortable. And even if I understand his needs most of the time, every now and then I get a bit nervous. There are areas where he simply takes A LOT of time to mature in.
Like going to the store and buying something. It still hasn’t happened. He refuses. He doesn’t feel safe, and says “Mom, I am still not ready”.
And I think of other young humans his age – or much younger – that are already waiting tables, serve as lifeguards or have other kinds of small jobs. Whereas my 17 year old can’t go to the store by himself!
That’s when I have to remind myself of what it was like for me when I was a kid. And how it backfired whenever my parents tried to push me to do things I wasn’t ready for. I mean, I had a hard time ordering a pizza until I was 30. Yup.
So, I take a big step back. I’m not here to push him. I’m here to TRUST both him and his process.
And it works!
Teo has never been interested in cooking but about a year ago, he dove into the art of making dumplings. And now he’s making all of these crazy delicious meals, without any of my help.
He hands me a list of ingredients. I get them for him. Then he cooks for both of us. I’m in awe! And honestly, do I really need any more proof that he’s approaching and preparing for adulthood?
And so, when I observe Teo, I can clearly see that he IS developing and getting both more independent and autonomous – but in other ways that I hadn’t expected. I just need to observe carefully to see it – and stop comparing him to other kids. And again, TRUST him and his process.